Lesson 8.1: Saying NO to him FIRST PART

1. Explaining when you have low energy or need space

2. When you have a bad day but you don’t feel like justifying yourself or giving explanations just want to inform you need some time alone

3. Last minute dates or hook up calls and not wanting to reject them so going even when sick or tired and wanting/needing rest.

4. When you change your mind about something you said you would do but then you don’t want to

5. When somebody is making me guilty for setting a boundary

6. When my choice is going to make the other person feel bad

7. When someone asks me for help I have difficulties to say no Invites me on dates closer to his place and further away from mine (I would need to travel while he doesn’t)

8. I fixed a rdv to someone but I can no longer do it (I am exhausted, I need time for other things) how to cancel it ?

Lesson 8.2: Saying NO to him SECOND PART

1. When I can’t continue with the plan because I don’t feel well

Lesson 10: Should you accept his character?

(The questions will be divided in several short videos)

1. A guy that doesn’t see his kids 

2. A guy that contradicts himself 

3. I find out they have had a bad past 

4. He has lots of female friends 

5. Still has dinner with his ex talks often about other women / how his exes were hot 

6. When I surprise him taking a look at other women’s profiles on social media 

7. When I stay in a relationship because I like him but feel he’s draining my energy 

8. A man that feels they need to tell me they are a real man when he isn’t looking after himself 

9. A man who snores I had a boyfriend I wanted to see, he always leave me with uncertainty about when he was coming. I hated that because I was waiting or leaving free space in my calendar for him. So disappointed when he could n it come finally (always in last minute ). 

10. How to say clear boundaries? When my partner’s behaviour was unacceptable: swearing, fast driving, argueing with some of our friends. I didn’t know how to react and communicate that I didn’t feel safe. 

11. When I go under a vulnerable situation and he shows emotionally distant 

12. A comment he said goes against what I believe in spiritually or religiously, knowing that I study these disciplines 

13. When he wants to date / sleep with other people and I don’t. 

14. He’s always on the phone during dates 

15. When it is a long distance relationship and he only travels if he has another plan or errand to run nearby 

16. When he promises me something and forgets 

17. When he claims he’s a feminist but laughs to his friends’ sexist jokes 

18. When he does not apologize for a mistake 

19. When he does not accept my apologies when I make a mistake 

20. When I know, he’s lying 

21. When my boyfriend is super spontaneous, and I prefer to have everything planned, so I would like to have our date planned down to the minute, a week in advance, written in the calendar (haha), but I know he does it in a different way. It’s just safe for me to plan them a little more in advance. 

22. When he is rude to wait staff or service staff when we are out 

23. He prioritises a personal task over a joint goal 

24. When he uses threats to “convince” me to do what he wants 

25. When he talks too much about himself and WhatsApp conversations always evolve around him 

26. When he smokes / drinks too much alcohol 

27. When the work is more important for him and I should understand 

28. When he is a negative person and always talks negatively 

29. When he wants to see me constantly and is pissed off if I don’t have time

30. When he’s acting jealous and controlling after only 2 dates 

31. Swears in front of me (I dont use swear words but it’s common on my country) Is late to dates and leaves me waiting consistently. 

32.  Asks me out out of dates last minute without much notice 

33. Forgetful or seems uncaring about important events in my life 

34. When my partner is writing to me I feel controlled like a child 

35.  When they don’t share their children (if they already have children), friends or family with me. 

36. If they keep having their profile active on dating apps and we are “together”. 

37. If they cheat on me. 

38. If they don’t spend important days (like birthdays, bank holidays, etc.) with me. 

39. When he makes dirty jokes about sex / women with family and friends

Lesson 11: Boundaries when you don’t feel respected

(The questions will be divided in several short videos)

1. Respecting my priorities, free time, friends, activities. 

2. When he puts me down because of my hobbies and makes fun of them

3. When he wants me to change the way I dress (a guy once told my friend that she shouldn’t wear mini skirts because she hasn’t got the legs for it) 

4. When he makes comments about my family 

5. When he tells me to be more secure 

6. When he makes jokes about something he knows I feel insecure about 

7. When he tells me how I should feel, like how I should stay in the present etc. 

8. When he places more importance on what another woman thinks. 

9. When he says he’s too busy for me but hang out with others especially women 

10. How to say “what you just said to me was hurtful and I don’t deserve to be treated like this?” For example one guy used to be like “i don’t like the way you smell ” ie my essential oil perfume. Or that I was too tall. Or that he wasn’t ready yet to tell me he liked me. Yes LIKE not LOVE!! Just doing it in an insensitive way. How do I stand up for myself? 

11. How to say no I don’t need to defend myself by answering all of your questions about why I am a certain way (usually some form of criticism). 

12. I don’t feel valued. when he makes you feel like what you do for work isn’t enough

13. When I don t like how someone is talking to me, aggressively. 

14. When someone makes a comment about you or women that is derogatory 

15. When he laughs about a trait of mine that’s actually related to my cultural background 

16. When he does not appreciate my efforts in pursuing a career 

17. When he criticizes me in front of people 

18. When he talks about our private life without my consent 

19. When he patronizes me due to our age gap 

20. He continues to one-up me versus being in a partnership or finding a way to push his agenda onto me 

21. When he speaks derogatorily or is critical of me 

22. When he’s inconsiderate of my sleep/rest schedule 

23. Talks over me 

24. Name-calling 

25. Does not respect my space 

26. When they surprise you with meeting family after you said you weren’t ready. 

27. When you feel he is not caring for your emotional need to be heard 

28. When you don’t drink alcohol or don’t eat something and he insists because “it is something you do occasionally” 

29. When you don’t share some of his jokes about your job or some of your family members 

30. When he manipulates me and criticizes me, for example when I say that I felt alone in a specific situation 

31. When he gives me tips for things where I don’t see a problem 

32. He wants me to lose weight but is constantly ordering pizza 

33. He talks badly about my hobby 

Lesson 12: Friends or lovers?

1. When we are just friends but I want to make him change his mind and spend months or years on doing so

2. When we are just friends but he wants more and I know it’s not going to happen

3. This may sound off topic but how do I OPEN a boundary that I have put up against nice guys???!!!

4. How to set the boundary to be more willing to get to know a man as a friend? I know there are guys out there who are sincere, decent human beings. Available men. But I’m rarely instantly physically attracted to them. 

Lesson 13: Boundaries in physical contact

1. When I don’t feel like being touched

2. How to say no to kissing on first date, second date, etc. No more moving too fast!!

3. When a man tries to kiss me. One time I needed to use FORCE to stop him from doing it (he was sober) and it was terrifying. I felt ashamed and it was sooo cringe.

4. On one date a man unexpectedly asked me for a hug. I was really surprised and uncomfortable with the idea and I wasn’t sure why. I said ok but it was awkward.

5. How do I tune into that inner knowing and say no? After a first kiss, how to stop it from going further into necking etc? The man asks me why stop now? And I can’t think of a good reason because it feels good and I’m so desperate for affection.

6. He wants me to give him a neck massage

7. I pick guys based on physical and sexual attraction. So then how do I put up a boundary that says “let’s get to know each other as friends first” when I’m fighting my OWN sexual urges? And needs for affection.

8. Personal touch and intamcy and what I like and don’t like, as I’m not a public person with being intimate so I don’t want them to feel not desired when I don’t kiss them in public.

Lesson 14: Boundaries in your sex life 

(The questions will be divided in several short videos)

1. I have difficulties to set boundries when it comes to have sex and say no even Im not ready for sex in this early stage of relantionship so I become distant and cold and run away before it started because Im so afraid of it 

2. When he grows impatient for us to have sex, but didn’t help me feel safe and ready for it. 

3. When I don’t want to be intimate 

4.  My secret desire is actually that I’ll have good enough boundaries to find a man who I’ll not have any sex at all with for several months. How to establish that boundary and stand firm in my principles without being labelled a prude. 

5. How to put up a boundary when a man is very insistent. For example, I didn’t want to sleep over at his place. He made all kinds of arguments like it’s too dark, the country road is dangerous, his son just got into an accident etc. So I give in. How to stick to my guns? 

6. You need a commitment before sex. I want / need more sexual intimacy to stay in the relationship 

7. When you say you want to use protection and he resists 

8. Talking about sex before having it 

9. Talking about sex after having it and making suggestions verbally 

10. Assuming you’re a booty call after a one night stand 

11. When we’ve already had sex, but I don’t feel like I want it again, wait a while or think about it, just take it slow. This is hard to say. 

12. If they don’t spend the night with me after having had sex. 

13. When my boyfriend wanted to have sex during my period and I didn’t want to. 

14. When I feel uncomfortable doing something in bed. 

15. When he clearly notices I’m not very experienced in bed 

16. When he requests to do something sexually, which goes against my values ie threesome, film sex

17. When he watches pornos when he’s alone 

18. How can I ask for things in the bedroom?

Lesson 15: Having the talk to know where the relationship is going

1. You want more clarity on how they feel about the relationship. 

2. Are they dating anyone else? 

3.  You can’t casually date them, and now need something more. 

4. You don’t feel like you’re a priority. 

5. Telling someone you have feelings for them without saying I love you as maybe you don’t yet 

6. When he gives me mixed signals whether we are or not in a relationship 

7. When he does not take me with him when he goes to see his family after a while together 

8. When he’s seeing other women at the beginning 

9. How can I speak about being exclusive without coming across as clingy? 

10. When he wants to make you his gf but you aren’t ready yet when he doesn’t involve you in his future plans

Lesson 16: When he goes cold

1. When you feel him become distant

2. When he shuts you down and goes cold

3. When he starts putting in less effort

4. Sometimes he’s super sweet and sometimes he ignores me for a few days

5. When you sense him pulling away and you just want to know if it is something you did or said

Lesson 17: All around money

1. When he wants me to pay every time we go out

2. A guy who pays for everything makes me feel uncomfortable

3. Accepting gifts or knowing when it’s ok to insist on paying half

4. When he pays for a fancy dinner by himself or buy me expensive gifts

5. Seems annoyed about paying for the first few dates

6. Invites me to expensive activity for second date

7. When booking trips, I would like him to pay for my flights and our trip I believe he should help me with money or help after I’ve helped him with money, a place to live etc. etc

8. He wants me to invite him for dinner

9. When I want to pay for myself but don’t want to eat at a fancy restaurant

Lesson 18: Arguments and disagreements

1. Asking them to tell you if their mood is low so you don’t worry something is wrong

2. How to speak up without criticizing him when something he has said or done has annoyed or upset you

3. When I WAS SO SURE that I needed to talk about some difficult and challenging thing and didn’t know how to communicate this need. I was scared of being rejected or belittled.

4. When I’m angry about something and I just shut my mouth because I don’t know how to convey that something is just not right, but I don’t want to look like a drama queen.

5. When I get angry and stay silent because I don’t want to scare him out

6. When he talks about his ex when we are having a moment and I feel jealous

7. When they raise their voice when you try and share your needs to you become scared to do it again.

8. When they name call you and put you down so you become quiet and do what they want.

9. When he takes the side of his mother and not yours

10. When he is taking his stress, anxiety, frustration out on you

11. I’m not having fun in this relationship and it makes me sad

12. How to share when I feel sad while he feels happy without being negative

13. When he comments on how clingy I’m being even though I feel I’m just expressing I’m not having fun in this relationship and it makes me sad.

14. I feel lonely when I am with you.

15. When you’re feeling sad but don’t want to share how you’re feeling

16. When you feel judged

17. When you feel like they are trying to control things

18. When my ex husband decided everything and I want to take part in the decision