Boundaries are what inspires him to treat you like a Queen
They make him respect you more.
Listen to you more.
And ultimately… Fall even more in love with you.
Because no matter how beautiful, loving, and smart you are…
If you’re not able to set clear boundaries men will lose interest in you.
Or would you be attracted to a man who’s always saying yes to everything you’re suggesting? I don’t think so.
The problem with boundaries is that if you didn’t grow up witnessing your caretakers
Respecting your boundaries and
Modeling how to set boundaries in a gentle way
You simply never learned how to protect your energy in a peaceful and effective way.
So your boundaries are either too soft or too harsh, and men are probably often just taking advantage of you and treating you like an option
How would it feel to…
Have the confidence to stand up for yourself in a warmhearted way that doesn’t push good people away, but inspires them to treat you with even more love and respect?
Stop worrying about what the wrong men think of you, because you no longer need their approval?
Know that you’re able to say NO and protect your energy anytime, so that you can actually open your heart and allow high-quality men to pursue you and be there for you?
„Warmhearted boundaries“ is very different from any other course or book about boundaries.
We learn by modeling and repetition, so giving you some theoretical information on how to set boundaries will not be enough for lasting change.
In Warmhearted Boundaries, instead, you can witness me setting gentle, warmhearted boundaries in 300 specific, highly relatable situations that were sent to me by sisters in our community.
So that you can learn by… MODELING and REPETITION 😉
Here are the 300 situations covered in the course
MODULE 1 - Before the first date
Lesson 1: Real life (first) encounters with men
1. Men not asking for my number but just giving me theirs
2. Men going straight to Insta add me rather than asking for my number
3. When a guy asks me for a number and I don’t want to give it to him.
4. How to uphold boundaries when out and drunk men make comments
5. How to respond to drink approaches from men gracefully
6. When men I don’t know approach me and come on too strong but are generally nice.
7. I feel uncomfortable when I like someone and he doesn’t do any first step towards me and I really want to call him but I’m afraid to be rejected so I dont call at all and suffer in silence.
8. I feel uncomfortable when friends try to set me up on a date with her friend because I feel like a failure in my love life.
9. The man that comes back to you after you had something brief and you’re open to it
10. The ex that comes back and you’re not open to it
Lesson 2: Uncomfortable texting situations online / in the apps
1. I feel uncomfortable when stranger guys who I don’t know write to me on my Messenger on FB or Instagram and want to know me
2. A man who calls me sexy or beautiful
3. What to do when a man talks in a too sexual way
4. I hate it when a guy asks for photos before having met
5. Responding to requests for nudes or suggestive msgs
6. The man that sends heart or flame emoji when he has a gf / wife / family
Lesson 3: Texting situations before the first date
1. Pushed to move from messages to videos talks to seeing each other within days
2. When a man suggests a place and I don’t want to go there, but I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or unmanly.
3. Wanting to go out for dinner and drinks on a first meet
4. If they want to meet for the first time with a too challenging plan, for example, spend the whole day together, a meal, etc. And I just want a coffee or go for a walk.
6. We discussed in the apps to meet on Saturday but he’s not giving me more details
MODULE 2 - ON A DATE
Lesson 4: Communication on a date
1. When he says why such eligible girl like you is single yet
2. A guy who is not showing much interest in me or asking questions – too much banter or self talk
3. When he seems tense during dates
4. I feel uncomfortable when he interrupts me in the middle of a sentence
5. When he talks about something that’s making me uncomfortable on a date
6. How can I share an opposing comment/idea to men?
7. When he talks about his exes / previous lovers
8. When he talks in a derogatory tone about a woman (she isn’t dressed nicely)
9. When he comments on another woman’s body or fitness level
10. How can you let someone know you don’t like something they said or did?
11. Laughing at bad jokes at the start then having to laugh at bad jokes forever
12. When he asks to escort me home after a first date (I don’t want someone I barely know to know my address)
13. A man who doesn’t ask about your children when he knows you have kids
14. How to react when you strongly disagree with what he is saying
15. When he comments on my food (portion etc)
16. Is distracted on dates and on his phone (for work)
17. A guy that can’t remember things about me I’ve said in previous conversation
18. A guy that says things they think I want to hear only to find out I’ve wasted my time.
19. When I feel uncomfortable about a situation and I want to leave without being rude
Lesson 5: Addressing specific topics during the first dates
1. Family and wanting kids
2. Talking about my past relationship in case they use that against me
3. Talking about family dysfunction
4. Money and how it’s spent or managed. In case it’s controlled and taken from me
5. Explaining food allergies or other things like not drinking alcohol
6. Political views ie women’s rights etc I take it personal and don’t want to hear they don’t agree as that physically hurts.
7. I don’t know how to share my religious beliefs as many men run and think I’m the stereotype Christian.
8. Travel and living abroad and making them feel forced to do what I love so I don’t bring it up.
9. My job and how working as a front responder is traumatic and I don’t want them to know the things I’ve seen so I hide the pain of it to not hurt them.
10. Criminal history and if they have it instead of seeing it as a red flag and leaving it scares me into not wanting to offend them.
MODULE 3 - Text communication
Lesson 6: Text communication
1. Doesn’t check up on me to see if I get home safe at night
2. I feel uncomfortable when I text someone a very long message and they reply with one word.
3. I feel uncomfortable when a guy who I like writes to me and when I didn’t reply right away he becomes distant and does not answer to my message which I sent to him later
4. Constantly texting when getting to know each other
5. Expects dates several times a week during initial dating phase
6. When he rarely sends messages and doesn’t put any effort but I accept those crumbs as effort
7. When he leaves me on read for a day When we are messaging every day but he always has an excuse not to see me (been going on for months)
8. When a man replies with an emoji
9. When a guy goes silent then messages you in a few weeks
10. Only talks at night Is talking to you but is still on dating sites
11. When he goes out and doesn’t message to say he got home safe
12. Knowing how long is ok between contact in the early days.
13. I don’t know how to ask the other person this
14. When a man texts me and I don’t even have an idea what to answer, but I feel like I need to answer him or else he would feel rejected.
15. When he wants to constantly do videocalls, even if he knows that I don’t like it
MODULE 4 - Asking for things
Lesson 7.1: Asking for things FIRST PART
1. You want to see them more often
2. You need more open communication.
3. If they don’t communicate enough and I would like to know more of them.
4. I want a deeper connection.
5. I need regular and consistent contact.
6. I need more affection.
7. I want more compliments.
8. Always being the listener but never getting to talk about my problems
9. Tell them they need to give you more than before, when they come back after a breakup.
10. I don’t feel integrated into your life and you into mine.
11. I want you to choose me during the holidays. Not spend holidays separately.
12. We need to go out more often, rather than stay home.
13. When you want to have a date but they don’t want to so you give in not to argue.
14. How can I tell my partner I want alone time/time away?
15. Talking about my need for space without them feeling neglected.
Lesson 7.2: Asking for things SECOND PART
1. How can I make hints at things I want? (Like a date night or some special way to connect with my partner or a gift idea)
2. How can I ask my partner to help around the house?
3. How can I ask him to put down the toilet seat?
4. How to keep the cleaning standards in
5. When he offers to help, but then when it comes time to accept the offer at a needed time, he pulls the offer away and refuses to help
6. When I need more reminders and validation of my personal value because I forget it (due to trauma)
7. When I want him to make more suggestions for things to do together instead of being always the one doing this
8. Asking for help with something I can do myself but want company for
9. Openly ask him for help, pretending to be strong when I feel weak
MODULE 5 - Saying NO
Lesson 8.1: Saying NO to him FIRST PART
1. Explaining when you have low energy or need space
2. When you have a bad day but you don’t feel like justifying yourself or giving explanations just want to inform you need some time alone
3. Last minute dates or hook up calls and not wanting to reject them so going even when sick or tired and wanting/needing rest.
4. When you change your mind about something you said you would do but then you don’t want to
5. When somebody is making me guilty for setting a boundary
6. When my choice is going to make the other person feel bad
7. When someone asks me for help I have difficulties to say no Invites me on dates closer to his place and further away from mine (I would need to travel while he doesn’t)
8. I fixed a rdv to someone but I can no longer do it (I am exhausted, I need time for other things) how to cancel it ?
Lesson 8.2: Saying NO to him SECOND PART
1. When I can’t continue with the plan because I don’t feel well
2. When someone offers me to meet one day and I am really busy, I don’t want them to feel that I don’t care but I have to make priority.
3. When someone cooks for me (which is so sweet) and I don’t like it, or I am not hungry
4. When you want to have dinner or sex but don’t want the person to stay all the night in your home (even if you like this person a lot
5. Pet names and asking someone not to use one if you don’t like it
6. When they want to apply to the company you work for but you want to keep work and home life separate
7. Asking someone to stop or reduce talking about their ex
8. Asking them not to drink too much on a date with you as you know that will be difficult for you
9. How can I ask my partner to stop saying “jokes” that actually bother me?
Lesson 8.3 Saying NO to him THIRD PART
1. When I have to give an answer and I am not ready
2. How can I tell my partner I don’t want to be around his friends/family right now?
3. How can I express that I don’t like my partners friend and therefore don’t want to be around them?
4. When I don’t want to meet his friends because I’m not in the mood for a party
5. When he wants you to visit his family with him but you don’t have the energy/desire to
6. How can I politely turn down further questioning/questions? (Because I’m tired, overwhelmed, or just no lol)
7. How can I respond to someone who gives unsolicited comments about my appearance?
8. How can I politely let my friend/partner know I don’t have the capacity to carry their burdens/complaints?
9. When I feel obliged to hang out with his friends but he doesn’t like mine
10. When he calls and I don’t have time to talk or don’t feel comfortable, but I don’t want to kill the mood, kill his initiative, etc.
11. When I’m jealous about some girl that my partner is going to meet or do something for her and I have absolutely no idea how to talk about it without losing my charme or grace.
Lesson 8.4: Saying NO to him FOURTH PART
1. When he surprises me with something I don’t want to do.
2. When sth is a deal-breaker for me, such as having a cat or other animal, and I can’t communicate it.
3. When he insists I do something which I don’t want to do eg book back-to-back drinking events
4. When he wants me to cook dinner and I don’t want to
5. When he asks me to clean the table after having eaten at his house
6. If they want to know certain details of my previous life/relationship I don’t want to share.
7. When my partner was angry/furious and I didn’t want to hear all that drama but we were in the same room/car.
8. If they want to spend ALL their free time with me.
9. If they want to organize my life
10. When I don’t feel like smiling all the time but feel I have to be positive
Lesson 9: Saying NO to other people
1. I feel uncomfortable when my mom asks me to watch Love Island with her where for me it is hard to watch people who are kissing, hugging, and have found the love of their life so easily while I just ended a 9 years relationship that was purely platonic and I was friendzoned.
2. When someone offers me a present that I don’t like, I feel imposed (like having something in my home or a cloth I have to wear that I don’t like …). How to respond with love
3. What is a way I could decline receiving help? (Sketchy situations with unfavorable people)
4. When my grandmother asks when I have children and it is hard for me to say that actually I don’t want them at all
5. When my family is asking me to spend my free time with them but I made other plans
6. When my family interferes in my relationship, reacting badly and aggressively towards me if they don’t like who I am dating (BTW I am 36 and had only long term relationships)
7. When my family disagrees with my choice and starts making me feel like I am an idiot
8. When someone asks me about my life and starts to give me unwanted advice even if I want I’m not able to say that I don’t want that instead I just listen and beat myself up later that I wasn’t able to be silent
9. It happened to me: I offered to help someone by staying in my home for a month but I wanted this person to leave after 2 weeks because she was draining all my energy.
10. When I feel that someone is taking advantage of me and that it is not fair
11. When someone is asking me a lot of personal questions (someone I don’t know) how to say stop warmly. I feel like answering: Are you working for the police? Which is not warm and nice?
12. When my dad wants to come to visit me, how to warmly set a good period of time and not being imposed
13. When my parents ask about my dating life/sex life/love life. Gosssh, it’s so hard to say it’s none of their business!!!
14. When people ask if you are still single
MODULE 6 - Is he the right one?
Lesson 10: Should you accept his character?
(The questions will be divided in several short videos)
1. A guy that doesn’t see his kids
2. A guy that contradicts himself
3. I find out they have had a bad past
4. He has lots of female friends
5. Still has dinner with his ex talks often about other women / how his exes were hot
6. When I surprise him taking a look at other women’s profiles on social media
7. When I stay in a relationship because I like him but feel he’s draining my energy
8. A man that feels they need to tell me they are a real man when he isn’t looking after himself
9. A man who snores I had a boyfriend I wanted to see, he always leave me with uncertainty about when he was coming. I hated that because I was waiting or leaving free space in my calendar for him. So disappointed when he could n it come finally (always in last minute ).
10. How to say clear boundaries? When my partner’s behaviour was unacceptable: swearing, fast driving, argueing with some of our friends. I didn’t know how to react and communicate that I didn’t feel safe.
11. When I go under a vulnerable situation and he shows emotionally distant
12. A comment he said goes against what I believe in spiritually or religiously, knowing that I study these disciplines
13. When he wants to date / sleep with other people and I don’t.
14. He’s always on the phone during dates
15. When it is a long distance relationship and he only travels if he has another plan or errand to run nearby
16. When he promises me something and forgets
17. When he claims he’s a feminist but laughs to his friends’ sexist jokes
18. When he does not apologize for a mistake
19. When he does not accept my apologies when I make a mistake
20. When I know, he’s lying
21. When my boyfriend is super spontaneous, and I prefer to have everything planned, so I would like to have our date planned down to the minute, a week in advance, written in the calendar (haha), but I know he does it in a different way. It’s just safe for me to plan them a little more in advance.
22. When he is rude to wait staff or service staff when we are out
23. He prioritises a personal task over a joint goal
24. When he uses threats to “convince” me to do what he wants
25. When he talks too much about himself and WhatsApp conversations always evolve around him
26. When he smokes / drinks too much alcohol
27. When the work is more important for him and I should understand
28. When he is a negative person and always talks negatively
29. When he wants to see me constantly and is pissed off if I don’t have time
30. When he’s acting jealous and controlling after only 2 dates
31. Swears in front of me (I dont use swear words but it’s common on my country) Is late to dates and leaves me waiting consistently.
32. Asks me out out of dates last minute without much notice
33. Forgetful or seems uncaring about important events in my life
34. When my partner is writing to me I feel controlled like a child
35. When they don’t share their children (if they already have children), friends or family with me.
36. If they keep having their profile active on dating apps and we are “together”.
37. If they cheat on me.
38. If they don’t spend important days (like birthdays, bank holidays, etc.) with me.
39. When he makes dirty jokes about sex / women with family and friends
Lesson 11: Boundaries when you don’t feel respected
(The questions will be divided in several short videos)
1. Respecting my priorities, free time, friends, activities.
2. When he puts me down because of my hobbies and makes fun of them
3. When he wants me to change the way I dress (a guy once told my friend that she shouldn’t wear mini skirts because she hasn’t got the legs for it)
4. When he makes comments about my family
5. When he tells me to be more secure
6. When he makes jokes about something he knows I feel insecure about
7. When he tells me how I should feel, like how I should stay in the present etc.
8. When he places more importance on what another woman thinks.
9. When he says he’s too busy for me but hang out with others especially women
10. How to say “what you just said to me was hurtful and I don’t deserve to be treated like this?” For example one guy used to be like “i don’t like the way you smell ” ie my essential oil perfume. Or that I was too tall. Or that he wasn’t ready yet to tell me he liked me. Yes LIKE not LOVE!! Just doing it in an insensitive way. How do I stand up for myself?
11. How to say no I don’t need to defend myself by answering all of your questions about why I am a certain way (usually some form of criticism).
12. I don’t feel valued. when he makes you feel like what you do for work isn’t enough
13. When I don t like how someone is talking to me, aggressively.
14. When someone makes a comment about you or women that is derogatory
15. When he laughs about a trait of mine that’s actually related to my cultural background
16. When he does not appreciate my efforts in pursuing a career
17. When he criticizes me in front of people
18. When he talks about our private life without my consent
19. When he patronizes me due to our age gap
20. He continues to one-up me versus being in a partnership or finding a way to push his agenda onto me
21. When he speaks derogatorily or is critical of me
22. When he’s inconsiderate of my sleep/rest schedule
23. Talks over me
25. Does not respect my space
26. When they surprise you with meeting family after you said you weren’t ready.
27. When you feel he is not caring for your emotional need to be heard
28. When you don’t drink alcohol or don’t eat something and he insists because “it is something you do occasionally”
29. When you don’t share some of his jokes about your job or some of your family members
30. When he manipulates me and criticizes me, for example when I say that I felt alone in a specific situation
31. When he gives me tips for things where I don’t see a problem
32. He wants me to lose weight but is constantly ordering pizza
33. He talks badly about my hobby
Lesson 12: Friends or lovers?
1. When we are just friends but I want to make him change his mind and spend months or years on doing so
2. When we are just friends but he wants more and I know it’s not going to happen
3. This may sound off topic but how do I OPEN a boundary that I have put up against nice guys???!!!
4. How to set the boundary to be more willing to get to know a man as a friend? I know there are guys out there who are sincere, decent human beings. Available men. But I’m rarely instantly physically attracted to them.
MODULE 7 - Protect your energy and body
Lesson 13: Boundaries in physical contact
1. When I don’t feel like being touched
2. How to say no to kissing on first date, second date, etc. No more moving too fast!!
3. When a man tries to kiss me. One time I needed to use FORCE to stop him from doing it (he was sober) and it was terrifying. I felt ashamed and it was sooo cringe.
4. On one date a man unexpectedly asked me for a hug. I was really surprised and uncomfortable with the idea and I wasn’t sure why. I said ok but it was awkward.
5. How do I tune into that inner knowing and say no? After a first kiss, how to stop it from going further into necking etc? The man asks me why stop now? And I can’t think of a good reason because it feels good and I’m so desperate for affection.
6. He wants me to give him a neck massage
7. I pick guys based on physical and sexual attraction. So then how do I put up a boundary that says “let’s get to know each other as friends first” when I’m fighting my OWN sexual urges? And needs for affection.
8. Personal touch and intamcy and what I like and don’t like, as I’m not a public person with being intimate so I don’t want them to feel not desired when I don’t kiss them in public.
Lesson 14: Boundaries in your sex life
(The questions will be divided in several short videos)
1. I have difficulties to set boundries when it comes to have sex and say no even Im not ready for sex in this early stage of relantionship so I become distant and cold and run away before it started because Im so afraid of it
2. When he grows impatient for us to have sex, but didn’t help me feel safe and ready for it.
3. When I don’t want to be intimate
4. My secret desire is actually that I’ll have good enough boundaries to find a man who I’ll not have any sex at all with for several months. How to establish that boundary and stand firm in my principles without being labelled a prude.
5. How to put up a boundary when a man is very insistent. For example, I didn’t want to sleep over at his place. He made all kinds of arguments like it’s too dark, the country road is dangerous, his son just got into an accident etc. So I give in. How to stick to my guns?
6. You need a commitment before sex. I want / need more sexual intimacy to stay in the relationship
7. When you say you want to use protection and he resists
8. Talking about sex before having it
9. Talking about sex after having it and making suggestions verbally
10. Assuming you’re a booty call after a one night stand
11. When we’ve already had sex, but I don’t feel like I want it again, wait a while or think about it, just take it slow. This is hard to say.
12. If they don’t spend the night with me after having had sex.
13. When my boyfriend wanted to have sex during my period and I didn’t want to.
14. When I feel uncomfortable doing something in bed.
15. When he clearly notices I’m not very experienced in bed
16. When he requests to do something sexually, which goes against my values ie threesome, film sex
17. When he watches pornos when he’s alone
18. How can I ask for things in the bedroom?
MODULE 8 - How to deal with common relationship issues
Lesson 15: Having the talk to know where the relationship is going
1. You want more clarity on how they feel about the relationship.
2. Are they dating anyone else?
3. You can’t casually date them, and now need something more.
4. You don’t feel like you’re a priority.
5. Telling someone you have feelings for them without saying I love you as maybe you don’t yet
6. When he gives me mixed signals whether we are or not in a relationship
7. When he does not take me with him when he goes to see his family after a while together
8. When he’s seeing other women at the beginning
9. How can I speak about being exclusive without coming across as clingy?
10. When he wants to make you his gf but you aren’t ready yet when he doesn’t involve you in his future plans
Lesson 16: When he goes cold
1. When you feel him become distant
2. When he shuts you down and goes cold
3. When he starts putting in less effort
4. Sometimes he’s super sweet and sometimes he ignores me for a few days
5. When you sense him pulling away and you just want to know if it is something you did or said
Lesson 17: All around money
1. When he wants me to pay every time we go out
2. A guy who pays for everything makes me feel uncomfortable
3. Accepting gifts or knowing when it’s ok to insist on paying half
4. When he pays for a fancy dinner by himself or buy me expensive gifts
5. Seems annoyed about paying for the first few dates
6. Invites me to expensive activity for second date
7. When booking trips, I would like him to pay for my flights and our trip I believe he should help me with money or help after I’ve helped him with money, a place to live etc. etc
8. He wants me to invite him for dinner
9. When I want to pay for myself but don’t want to eat at a fancy restaurant
Lesson 18: Arguments and disagreements
1. Asking them to tell you if their mood is low so you don’t worry something is wrong
2. How to speak up without criticizing him when something he has said or done has annoyed or upset you
3. When I WAS SO SURE that I needed to talk about some difficult and challenging thing and didn’t know how to communicate this need. I was scared of being rejected or belittled.
4. When I’m angry about something and I just shut my mouth because I don’t know how to convey that something is just not right, but I don’t want to look like a drama queen.
5. When I get angry and stay silent because I don’t want to scare him out
6. When he talks about his ex when we are having a moment and I feel jealous
7. When they raise their voice when you try and share your needs to you become scared to do it again.
8. When they name call you and put you down so you become quiet and do what they want.
9. When he takes the side of his mother and not yours
10. When he is taking his stress, anxiety, frustration out on you
11. I’m not having fun in this relationship and it makes me sad
12. How to share when I feel sad while he feels happy without being negative
13. When he comments on how clingy I’m being even though I feel I’m just expressing I’m not having fun in this relationship and it makes me sad.
14. I feel lonely when I am with you.
15. When you’re feeling sad but don’t want to share how you’re feeling
16. When you feel judged
17. When you feel like they are trying to control things
18. When my ex husband decided everything and I want to take part in the decision